About As Emotionally Stable as an Ikea Table.

I spent a lot of time this week thinking about the difference between being alone, vs being lonely. They are two distinctly different things, really. I love coming home from work to an empty apartment. I love that I can kick off my shoes, put on comfy clothes, and eat a piece of cold pizza over the sink for dinner and I don't even have to think about it, or answer to anyone. That is being alone. But when I sit down to watch some TV at the end of the day, I miss having someone to snuggle with on the couch. I miss cooking meals for two people. I miss having someone to talk to about my day. That is being lonely.  There is no way to combat this, really. I can't force that kind of companionship, and I don't want to.. but being lonely is something that I really do not enjoy, so I keep myself busy doing other things, so that I don't have to spend extra time inside my head.

After work on Friday, I went to Weskeag Farms and got corn on the cob, lettuce, tomato and cucumber, and then went to Jess's Market and bought clams and salmon and crab meat and took it all to my sisters house. We had crabmeat salads, grilled the clams and the salmon and enjoyed some corn on the cob with the kids. We all played in the back yard, and then moved inside where both of my adult sisters enjoyed several heated games of checkers. These are the kinds of summer nights that I live for.

This morning, I got up and ran some errands, and then Sister D and I headed to Rockport Village to go to Seafolk Coffee for breakfast. (Is anyone else shocked that I haven't run out of places to write about yet?) Based on the menu below, there seems to be a gap between 10:30 and 11:30 am where you can't get any food. I was sort of sad that it was quarter after 10, and I couldn't get anything from the Toast Bar, (that Burrata Tomatah was calling my name.) so I got the Big Breakfast Sandwich with Sausage on a Biscuit. Sister D got the Big Breakfast Sandwich with bacon on an English Muffin, we both had coffees and split a huge Cinnamon Bun. The food was amazing.. I don't know why I've never put kale on my breakfast sandwich before.. but it was perfect. The space is extremely charming.. and there was a man playing guitar in the corner. I would definitely come back here again.  

I forget sometimes that not everyone wants to spill everything out the way that I do. Unsaid sentences don't necessarily mean unfelt emotions. I can't keep things inside of me like that. I am a complete open book. If I care about you, everything I feel will come pouring out of me like a fountain before I've even realized that I've done it. My heart is like fireworks on the 4th of July... exploding every couple of minutes - but each explosion contains tiny bits of several different emotions all at once. I'm not entirely sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.. it just... is. So it's true, I am about as emotionally stable as an Ikea table. I'm a little bit wobbly, but if you distribute the weight that you put on top of that table evenly... it'll hold a lot more than you could ever possibly imagine it would. I don't hold just the weight of my own decisions. I don't mean to do it, I don't even think I have any control over it.. but I completely take on the stress, happiness or pain of the people that I care about as well. This kind of caring about other people has it's benefits... but one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make is walking away from the person who stood there and waited for you.