Some People May Not Like You- And That’s Ok.

Oh. My. It has been exactly three months since my last blog post!  Honestly, so much about my life has changed in the last 8 months that I really haven’t had the time or the resources to keep up with this blog. I need to be better about making the time to keep up with it. I enjoy it. It’s cathartic in a way that nothing else really is. 

In December, I packed up all of the things from my teeny tiny apartment and moved in with my amazing boyfriend. Realistically, I’m about 90% unpacked. I am still, however, unpacking random boxes and trying to find places for my things. For instance, what do you do with all of your refrigerator magnets?? It doesn’t feel right commingling them... but I can’t get rid of them either. Z has been really good about letting me redecorate the space with things that are more in tune with both of our taste. We have bought a few new pieces of furniture, hung up more of the art that I had hanging in my apartment and we have completely Marie Kondo’d the shit out of all of the cabinet spaces. Combining living spaces is a delicate balance, but when your partner is a reasonable human being who says “Yeah, we can definitely make space for that!” it is an easy transition to make. Our daily lives and our schedule really fit together nicely. Our routine is something that I didn’t ever imagine that I would appreciate- but eating breakfast and having coffee with him every morning before we leave for work is pretty darn glorious. But oh, the unpacking. Most of it has been incredibly seamless. A majority of the items that I brought into our home were things that he “lost” during the process of his divorce. There were a few odd, “Ok, well... now we have three very large salad bowls, do we need ALL of them?” conversations, but for the most part, I was able to more than adequately replace all of his stuff that went “missing”.

So, this brings me to the main point of this entry.  On Saturday, while going through a tote of items from my childhood, I came across a box that contained more than 100 letters, cards, and notes from my teenage years.  Letters from people I went to summer camp with for years. Notes from high school boyfriends, and friends, and even enemies I didn’t know I had. I didn’t end up reading them all (at some point, I’m going to.) but what struck me the most was how hateful some of them were. And the main, over-arching theme of every single one of those hateful letters was jealousy. People, even some very childish adults, will hate you simply because of the way that other people love you. One letter, was from a boy I went to summer camp with. He wrote me a letter to tell me that he had told another boy (whom I definitely had a crush on) to hate me, because I wouldn’t dance with him at our yearly camp dance. Such silly, teenage drama- but when I read that letter, I remembered how sad I was that the boy I liked was being coerced into hating me because I wouldn’t dance with his friend. 

Sadly, these games don’t end with childhood. I still deal with these kinds of childish, hateful games. A mother who doesn’t want her children to like their fathers girlfriend. Grown adults who will put down the father of their children (or another adult who cares for them) in front of the children. Grown adults who will tell their children to lie to the other parent. 30 and 40 year old adults causing childish scenes and staring people down during drop-off because they can’t be adult enough to have normal interactions with people they dislike. Here’s the thing- you do not have to like your ex-husband.. but you have children together, and you have to parent them together... so have enough self-awareness to recognize that the only people being harmed by your actions are your children. When you make them feel bad for enjoying the time they spend with their father (and his girlfriend), you are telling your children that half of who they are is something to be ashamed of. That, is just plain hateful, and it’s the most disgusting form of child abuse that exists. 

So- in conclusion- stop hating people you don’t know, just because of the way that someone else may love them. Also- go through boxes of your childhood things. Maybe you’ll find cards from your lifelong friends.

Or maybe... just maybe you’ll find your beloved Joey McIntyre New Kids on the Block watch.

Either way... it’ll be worth it, I promise.