I Love This Life With You

I have many an opportunity to gush over how fortunate I am to be in love with the man that I am. I speak his praises every chance I get, to anyone who will listen. Stranger, friend, family, his ex-wife... it doesn't matter who it is, when you're fortunate enough to be loved by someone who is your perfect match, you are literally the most fortunate person on earth.

I was telling the story yesterday to my coworkers about how I met Z. As most adults over 30, do, we met via an online dating app.  We live in Maine.. the dating prospects are few and far between, and if you've been reading this blog for long enough, you'll remember the hellish escapades I went through with men who wouldn't take no for an answer, men who weren't ready to commit, men who were already committed to someone else, men who were ex-convicts. I've unfortunately dated them all, and I met them all via dating apps.  When Z came into my life, I was about two seconds away from calling it quits all together, and I got a message from Z. From the start, I knew he was different from anyone else I have ever talked to. He was intelligent, honest, kind and hysterically funny. He makes me laugh  every day - the kind of laughter that reminds you how alive you are, and how much you love your life. Anyway, we started talking on a Friday, and planned our first Date for that upcoming Tuesday. On Saturday, he asked me if I'd like to push that first date up to Sunday... and I refused. Flat out refused. "No, we've planned for Tuesday. Let's stick to that." We met at a local garden, and ended up going on an unintentional uphill hike. It was hotter than hell out, as August in Maine tends to be.. I think I even had flip flops on.. which .. are not appropriate hiking shoes. We sat in a gazebo and talked for well over an hour and I kept thinking to myself "This guy is so NORMAL... what is he hiding?" Nothing. A year and a half in, I can truly say he's hiding nothing... he's just an amazing human being. A communicator. An amazing father who holds his children responsible for their actions, loves them all unconditionally, and pushes them to be amazing little humans, too. On top of all of the other amazing things I can say about him, he truly cares about me. He cares about my mental well being, and was the driving force behind me finding a therapist to work through the abuse I had endured in my previous relationship, the harassment I was dealing with at my previous job, and all of the "stuff" I needed to unpack with the complicated relationships I had with my family (again, as a result of the abusive relationship) He cares about my health, and because of that he never gave up on telling me I should go see the Dr. That Dr. visit eventually became the reason I had surgery last week, and had my gallbladder and over 300 gallstones removed from my body. He has been encouraging me to begin running again, because he knows that I love it, and that is best for my mental health. He encourages me to go to my knitting group, hang out with friends, read books... he encourages me to be me. I am the best version of myself that I have ever been, because I am being cared for and loved by a man who loves ME. The good, the bad, the bed head, the morning breath, the irrational tears, the rational tears, the fear, the goals, the wins, the losses... all of it. I haven't ever had that. Every long term relationship I have ever had, has had conditions attached to it. There are no conditions here. In Z, I have found my most perfect match, and the best part of my day every day is living this life with him. Laying in bed at night, and having conversations in the dark.  I'm so sad that it took me 39 years to find him... but I can't wait for the next 39, with him by my side.

So thank you, to the women who only loved him conditionally. Thank you to his therapist who helped him remember that he was worth more than that, and more than what those women were bringing to his life. His ex-wife likes to remind him that I'm the 3rd girlfriend he's had since they separated which has been nearly 5 years if my math is right. (#mathproblems.) She keeps referring to me as his "Girlfriend of the minute" We don't all have a moral compass that is led by our desire to be free as a bird. We don't all cheat on our husbands with multiple men until we find a partner we think would be better for us. So, it took Z three times to find a relationship that stuck.  Most of us date after our marriages end, not during the marriage.  So I'm proud to be number 3, lord knows it took me WAY more attempts than 3 to find Z.



-3AM.
#peoplesuck #knowyourworth